Peanut Butter and Jelly is the best invention of all time! Not only can you ingest these substances by themselves, but you could also pair them together on bread to produce the most delicious and outstanding sandwich ever. If you recall being of a younger age and allowing your mother to pack you a PB&J sandwich in your sophisticated lunchbox, and enjoying every savory minute of it at lunchtime. You could compare your sandwich to that of your peers also; debate who had the best type of bread, peanut butter, and (last but certainly not least) jelly. This simple yet refined piece of organic material was the source of happiness in every child’s eye while growing up. For this reason, Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches should be a mandatory lunchtime snack for everyone in these great 50 states.
There are only two reasons that this act of eating PB&J sandwiches for lunch everyday, everywhere, should be lawful. Number one relates to the nutritional value of these morsels. The bread itself, with its endless array of flavors (Rye, White, Wheat, Sourdough, Pumpernickel, Greek Olive, Multi grain, Harvest, Sun dried Tomato, and even Cinnamon), is incredibly healthy for any growing child (or adult). Bread ranges from only 50 calories to that of a potential 160 calories, providing an ample amount of energy for a busy day. Let us move to the Peanut Butter now. There are essentially two kinds of Peanut Butter; there is creamy or crunchy Peanut Butter. Now, no matter the type (I prefer crunchy) this is an incredibly healthy snack because it is loaded with protein, which helps growing children. You could get technical and draw a debate over organic or processed Peanut Butters, but with the added factory-based constituents, why bother with the organic mess? Finally there is the countless amount of jelly types. Not only can you purchase jellies, but you can also buy jams. Just about any flavor imaginable or desirable can be had with jelly. And when you dissect the nutritional value of jelly, you will be very pleased to find that you can achieve sugar free jelly at about 8 calories, or regular fruit jellies at about 70 calories. This is nothing in comparison to the calories in the bread in which you are ingesting.
The second reason to produce a lunchtime law of PB&J is that this afternoon meal or snack is the president of the United States’ all-time favorite food. How much better would you feel about sending your son or daughter to school with a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich knowing that he/she is eating the same type of snack that President Bush himself is munching on in the Oval Office? How much better would you feel about yourself if you knew that you were making a decision so distinguishable in eating PB&J that our Commander in Chief would do the same? How much better would you feel about our nation, if for every lunch period around the world, men and women alike were eating the same thing as the leader of this great nation? I for one am inkling to produce a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich right now to satisfy the craving.
But in all seriousness now, the people of the United States would feel a stronger camaraderie if they were made to eat the best sandwich in the world everyday for lunch. I mean it is much more healthy than hundreds of other sandwiches out there, it is delicious, and it is highly diverse, right? So why not make this childhood favorite and long-time adult forgotten favorite food mandatory to devour during lunch? I will presume, with high certainty that you cannot find one reason to object to this idea. And with even a single objection, my response to you skeptics is that if the president of the United States enjoys Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches, why shouldn't we?
11 November 2007
25 October 2007
Rage
A humorous article on controlling anger and stress(actual speech transcript)
by David Leonhardt
Has anybody here ever been stuck in traffic for a frustratingly long time? Put up your hand if you have.
Oooh! Don't you just hate that? And some people don't mind showing us how much they hate it. We call it "road rage".
Has anybody ever waited in a ticket lineup or a checkout lineup for a frustratingly long time? Let me see those hands.
Believe it or not, some people don't like that either. We call it "lineup rage".
Has anybody ever been stuck waiting in a doctor's office for a frustratingly long time? Let me see those hands.
And then you see somebody suddenly jump up and tear his hair out and scream, "Let me out. I've been here three hours. Three days. Three months!" Well, I really should apologize. I didn't mean to scare your kids. I was just demonstrating "waiting room rage".
Let me tell you a story about the Lwungwa River Valley - that's in Africa, you know. The dry season there gets very dry. My throat is getting dry just thinking about it. The Lwangwa River stops rushing. It slows to a trickle. Finally, it stops flowing. And all that are left are pools of water, here and there.
One by one, the animals head to higher ground. To forest cover. To other water holes. Anywhere they can find food or drink. Just like we will all do later. Did I say all the animals? Not all. Not the hippos.
The hippos stay in their river at it slows to a stream. They stay in the stream as it turns into pools. They stay in the pools as they shrink into puddles. As the puddles shrink, the hippos get more crowded. As the hippos get more crowded, they get surly. Cranky. Grumpy. They gnash their teeth. They poke at each other. They pick fights. It's river rage!
Has anyone ever come face to face with a raging hippopotamus? Don't be shy. Go ahead, put up your hands. Sure, when we're young - I'm sure you all remember this as I do - we're taught that hippos are slow, cute, and cuddly. They might even be pink or purple and do those happy little dances in tutus like in Fantasia.
But in the real world, hippos have teeth the size of your head. They can run faster than anyone in this room. And they weight upwards of 5,000 pounds. I mean, they are BIG! If you're ever at a cocktail party and a hippopotamus starts, you know, flirting with you, whatever you do, do not let him sit on your lap.
Rage is all the rage these days
Rage is all the rage these days. Road rage. Lineup rage. Waiting-room rage. Even river rage. You may also have heard of parking lot rage, elevator rage and airplane rage. What gives? Is the world getting angrier or just more crowded?
Both. It's a fact that as our space and time grow increasingly crowded, our stress levels rise.
When it comes to space, we are cramming more people into more crowded cities, elevators, airplanes, stores. Our patience diminishes. Our good will diminishes. Our tolerance diminishes. Has anyone noticed they place the chairs at conferences - you noticed! -- so close together that even skinny people get to know each other well. My theory is that the hotels are trying to develop their own niche rage market: conference seating rage.
Let's look at our schedules. What are we trying to do? We're trying to see how many items we can squeeze onto our "to do" list, and how many activities we can cram into a day. And the stress, where does it go? Right up there, exactly.
I want to share this one little thought with you. We are in the process of moving, so we actually have two homes. Stress that builds in my stacked concrete box apartment they call a condo, I can't get rid of. It sticks. I can't shake it off. It won't go. It sticks. When I'm at my farm house just a few miles south of here, surrounded by grass and trees, it's amazing how quickly I can just excommunicate the stress. Can I say that? Excommunicate? Why not?
OK. What have we learned today? Three lessons, so please take note.
Number one, don't let your space get too crowded.
Number two, don't let your schedule get too crowded.
Number three, and this is the most important of all, don't ever, ever let a hippopotamus sit on your lap.
So, this to me was very funny and maybe a little inciteful, only because I have rage issues. The smallest things can set me off, to where I want to just "gnash" my teeth around and "poke" at other people to get them to leave me alone (or get out of my space). Well, maybe not that extreme.
David Leonhardt uses several relevant examples of rage and how they have most assuredly affected us all at some point in our lives. His aim however is not in just describing these issues and reassuring the reader that he also suffers from rage; it is to inform that there is a way to personally "grow" from these interactions. Whether it be in traffic, in line or in a waiting room, one should never allow rage to entirely overwhelm oneself.
The tone of this paper is vastly humorous, but serves the topic well in comprehension of this serious habit. It is far too important that someone know they have an anger management issue and receive help than to let it consume them and hurt those surrounding. But to make light of this notion, David introduces the natural hippopotamus story. By going off on a side tangent (one of the fallacies of argument, I might add) about hippos, it may serve to deter the reader from constantly reading about things that anger. The parody of "slow, cute, and cuddly" hippos actually being capable of malicious acts, sends home a solid message that anyone can have rage issues at any time! And to better oneself, realization of this fact should be met with either self help books, classes, or cocktail parties with flirtatious hippos.
By posing the humorous question of whether the world is getting more angry or just more crowded, the author is alluding to the issue of time management and stress. Whether it be in the work place (office chairs) or just every day accounts (schedules), people now today are much busier and less willing or able to just RELAX. But in this ever growing, crowded society, there will be numerous events that trigger anger within someone. And the key in dominating this problem, is to realize that the only one who can control controversial issues and events is oneself. And this needs to happen through the realization that one's life can never be overrun by the hectic and/or crowded events occuring. David does a wonderful job of relaying this message through examples, jokes, and even the slight tangents related to the hippos.
by David Leonhardt
Has anybody here ever been stuck in traffic for a frustratingly long time? Put up your hand if you have.
Oooh! Don't you just hate that? And some people don't mind showing us how much they hate it. We call it "road rage".
Has anybody ever waited in a ticket lineup or a checkout lineup for a frustratingly long time? Let me see those hands.
Believe it or not, some people don't like that either. We call it "lineup rage".
Has anybody ever been stuck waiting in a doctor's office for a frustratingly long time? Let me see those hands.
And then you see somebody suddenly jump up and tear his hair out and scream, "Let me out. I've been here three hours. Three days. Three months!" Well, I really should apologize. I didn't mean to scare your kids. I was just demonstrating "waiting room rage".
Let me tell you a story about the Lwungwa River Valley - that's in Africa, you know. The dry season there gets very dry. My throat is getting dry just thinking about it. The Lwangwa River stops rushing. It slows to a trickle. Finally, it stops flowing. And all that are left are pools of water, here and there.
One by one, the animals head to higher ground. To forest cover. To other water holes. Anywhere they can find food or drink. Just like we will all do later. Did I say all the animals? Not all. Not the hippos.
The hippos stay in their river at it slows to a stream. They stay in the stream as it turns into pools. They stay in the pools as they shrink into puddles. As the puddles shrink, the hippos get more crowded. As the hippos get more crowded, they get surly. Cranky. Grumpy. They gnash their teeth. They poke at each other. They pick fights. It's river rage!
Has anyone ever come face to face with a raging hippopotamus? Don't be shy. Go ahead, put up your hands. Sure, when we're young - I'm sure you all remember this as I do - we're taught that hippos are slow, cute, and cuddly. They might even be pink or purple and do those happy little dances in tutus like in Fantasia.
But in the real world, hippos have teeth the size of your head. They can run faster than anyone in this room. And they weight upwards of 5,000 pounds. I mean, they are BIG! If you're ever at a cocktail party and a hippopotamus starts, you know, flirting with you, whatever you do, do not let him sit on your lap.
Rage is all the rage these days
Rage is all the rage these days. Road rage. Lineup rage. Waiting-room rage. Even river rage. You may also have heard of parking lot rage, elevator rage and airplane rage. What gives? Is the world getting angrier or just more crowded?
Both. It's a fact that as our space and time grow increasingly crowded, our stress levels rise.
When it comes to space, we are cramming more people into more crowded cities, elevators, airplanes, stores. Our patience diminishes. Our good will diminishes. Our tolerance diminishes. Has anyone noticed they place the chairs at conferences - you noticed! -- so close together that even skinny people get to know each other well. My theory is that the hotels are trying to develop their own niche rage market: conference seating rage.
Let's look at our schedules. What are we trying to do? We're trying to see how many items we can squeeze onto our "to do" list, and how many activities we can cram into a day. And the stress, where does it go? Right up there, exactly.
I want to share this one little thought with you. We are in the process of moving, so we actually have two homes. Stress that builds in my stacked concrete box apartment they call a condo, I can't get rid of. It sticks. I can't shake it off. It won't go. It sticks. When I'm at my farm house just a few miles south of here, surrounded by grass and trees, it's amazing how quickly I can just excommunicate the stress. Can I say that? Excommunicate? Why not?
OK. What have we learned today? Three lessons, so please take note.
Number one, don't let your space get too crowded.
Number two, don't let your schedule get too crowded.
Number three, and this is the most important of all, don't ever, ever let a hippopotamus sit on your lap.
So, this to me was very funny and maybe a little inciteful, only because I have rage issues. The smallest things can set me off, to where I want to just "gnash" my teeth around and "poke" at other people to get them to leave me alone (or get out of my space). Well, maybe not that extreme.
David Leonhardt uses several relevant examples of rage and how they have most assuredly affected us all at some point in our lives. His aim however is not in just describing these issues and reassuring the reader that he also suffers from rage; it is to inform that there is a way to personally "grow" from these interactions. Whether it be in traffic, in line or in a waiting room, one should never allow rage to entirely overwhelm oneself.
The tone of this paper is vastly humorous, but serves the topic well in comprehension of this serious habit. It is far too important that someone know they have an anger management issue and receive help than to let it consume them and hurt those surrounding. But to make light of this notion, David introduces the natural hippopotamus story. By going off on a side tangent (one of the fallacies of argument, I might add) about hippos, it may serve to deter the reader from constantly reading about things that anger. The parody of "slow, cute, and cuddly" hippos actually being capable of malicious acts, sends home a solid message that anyone can have rage issues at any time! And to better oneself, realization of this fact should be met with either self help books, classes, or cocktail parties with flirtatious hippos.
By posing the humorous question of whether the world is getting more angry or just more crowded, the author is alluding to the issue of time management and stress. Whether it be in the work place (office chairs) or just every day accounts (schedules), people now today are much busier and less willing or able to just RELAX. But in this ever growing, crowded society, there will be numerous events that trigger anger within someone. And the key in dominating this problem, is to realize that the only one who can control controversial issues and events is oneself. And this needs to happen through the realization that one's life can never be overrun by the hectic and/or crowded events occuring. David does a wonderful job of relaying this message through examples, jokes, and even the slight tangents related to the hippos.
03 October 2007
Top 10 Campaign
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_c6921tBK4
The humorous demeanour of Hillary Clinton in this short comedic excerpt from David Letterman's Late Show is refreshing to see during a campaign year. She keeps the mood light with jokes about future plans if she is elected president. Though these plans would not be very convincing for most, they show a lighter side to the campaigning individual (which I would guess helps her win votes in the long run).
I think the main scheme behind her appearance was to show citizens that she appears as ordinary as the next person. She comments on several 'every day' occurrences that could be changed (either for better or worse). She develops these ideas through Letterman's nightly Top 10 List (which is widely known and probably watched more than a general campaign, on average). I know that I would rather watch Letterman's List over any given campaign night in a heartbeat!
I don't see any type of arrangement with her list, but she hits on several points that are always important to the normal citizen. She touches on entertainment with the comments about "The View" and "Lost." She plays on the assumption that everyone hates taxes and would love not to have to file them. Later in her countdown, she touches on a real political issue with a previous vice president and the one she would have if elected. And to conclude some of her ideas, she plays on her own gender and procedures she would take over that of a male president.
The only thing that bothered me about this piece was that throughout the entire time Hillary was trying to joke about her campaign ideas, she never smiled. She did not seem to enjoy the topics she was discussing. To me, this was not very convincing on her part of the entire. With the list of the top 10 campaign ideas, she appeared to be using somewhat of a slippery slope fallacy. If she were elected president, then she would assure that this, this and that were to occur. If the list would have been somewhat plausible, I do not feel she would have carried the messages as forcibly and/or earnestly as she could have. This and her posture held me in skepticism about her potential as president of the United States, to be quite honest.
26 September 2007
Germs
It definitely is "that time of the month" again as George Carlin chooses yet another controversial but humorous topic to talk about. This time the subject is the president. Not like there hasn't been several other times, but this one is 'serious.' He begins by pointing out that no one should ever threaten the president of the United States. Whereby he gives examples of what not to do (as he is doing it). This played on my military background, and I think would be funny for most military audiences. However it is only "right" for certain audiences; it is only right for those who do not look highly upon the president of our United States at this time.
I believe his main purpose, like usual, is to ridicule the 'rules' that society sets forth. We are not suppose to make fun of or threaten the president (let alone any other citizen) yet he can very easily threaten the lives of thousands of soldiers every day by leaving them overseas. He uses a great example of terrorism as he explains the different kinds of harm someone can put on another person(s). Playing on every one's understanding and knowledge of September 11th, he uses the terrorist's plot of providing such harm to the white house. By conceiving that someone could actually walk into the white house with a bag of germs rather than a weapon, is showing just how easy it was for terrorists to board airplanes and use them to crash into the towers.
He began with a specific point that no one should threaten or try to harm the president for the "men with no expression on their faces" could easily visit the one causing trouble at their home. This would be interesting in itself to see just how many homes these men could visit in a single day based upon how many people dislike this president of our United States. And I think that little bit of sarcasm there is just what pushed me over into totally loving this piece. Set aside my personal beliefs and experiences, I liked the satirical view that things need to be improved on the part of the president (or next president, or next president after that, etc) for the bettering of this nation (and possibly others).
I believe his main purpose, like usual, is to ridicule the 'rules' that society sets forth. We are not suppose to make fun of or threaten the president (let alone any other citizen) yet he can very easily threaten the lives of thousands of soldiers every day by leaving them overseas. He uses a great example of terrorism as he explains the different kinds of harm someone can put on another person(s). Playing on every one's understanding and knowledge of September 11th, he uses the terrorist's plot of providing such harm to the white house. By conceiving that someone could actually walk into the white house with a bag of germs rather than a weapon, is showing just how easy it was for terrorists to board airplanes and use them to crash into the towers.
He began with a specific point that no one should threaten or try to harm the president for the "men with no expression on their faces" could easily visit the one causing trouble at their home. This would be interesting in itself to see just how many homes these men could visit in a single day based upon how many people dislike this president of our United States. And I think that little bit of sarcasm there is just what pushed me over into totally loving this piece. Set aside my personal beliefs and experiences, I liked the satirical view that things need to be improved on the part of the president (or next president, or next president after that, etc) for the bettering of this nation (and possibly others).
12 September 2007
The Nikki Harrison
http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=7403504
In this five minute stand up comedic act, a dear friend of mine, Nikki, thought it wise to justify that not all African American individuals behave and/or talk as the generalized population is believed to. She discusses in somewhat of an alternating pattern black demeanor and language along with some sexual content. Although this subject does not appear to be very controversial, its meaning and 'humor' would change drastically depending on the type of audience set in front of her.
Her main argument is that not all African American language is in the old form of Ebonics. Not all black people act a certain way. Nikki, for example, is not a typical black female one might come into contact with when visiting California or Georgia or even New York. And it is her demeanor while informing her audience of this that sets the mood and tone of the text. She uses not only humor to give her subject a funny tone, but she also uses sarcasm and irony to emphasize how ridiculous and silly today's African American Ebonics sounds and how politically incorrect most of today's language has become. I reacted somewhat on a personal, emotional level to this skit based on my own experiences, but I was not swayed one way or the other based on emotions. This stayed constant throughout her entire performance.
Nikki seemed to be set out, first and foremost, to entertain her audience. She appreciates good humor and uses her talents to shed light on the subject of her text. Based on military humor, ethics and personal experiences, she develops her ideas mainly through narration. While alternating from her two main topics she uses different methods to help explain her message(s). While commenting about sexual content she uses a great analogy about batman comics and the words written in to emphasize actions taking place. As she switches to African American demeanor, she accomplishes a better understanding of the ideas she is talking about by giving examples. With the use of some of our military humor, her character, and her first hand experiences she is able to set up several different scenarios where she takes the audience to a specific segment in time. Once here, she is able to explain, by narrating how each situation occurs, her major point more proficiently. Satisfied that the audience now understands where she is coming from (and her time being up for the night) she can end her skit by going back to the first sexually related topic.
Nikki argues to the people about her argument. I think not only her being a black individual, but being a female helps in relating to the audience and getting them to be comfortable with her views. If she argued as a white individual, none of her points (stories) would have been as effective. So based on this, I think these two components majorly helped in making her argument "funny." The way in which Nikki tells stories is incredibly effective also because one can see the emotion in her eyes and through her gestures. And if one isn't too sure whether what she just said was suppose to be funny, her laugh will confirm any doubts. This "humor" is definitely not intended for the younger ages and those offended easily. But there is a little bit of discourse for everyone within this skit. She relates to white and black individuals, females and males, and then to the kid in everyone while still keeping adult content, adult content. She is by far one of the most outspoken, say it like it is, people I have ever been proud to know. Nikki keeps her audience laughing but at the same time teaches them a little about the differences between our American races.
In this five minute stand up comedic act, a dear friend of mine, Nikki, thought it wise to justify that not all African American individuals behave and/or talk as the generalized population is believed to. She discusses in somewhat of an alternating pattern black demeanor and language along with some sexual content. Although this subject does not appear to be very controversial, its meaning and 'humor' would change drastically depending on the type of audience set in front of her.
Her main argument is that not all African American language is in the old form of Ebonics. Not all black people act a certain way. Nikki, for example, is not a typical black female one might come into contact with when visiting California or Georgia or even New York. And it is her demeanor while informing her audience of this that sets the mood and tone of the text. She uses not only humor to give her subject a funny tone, but she also uses sarcasm and irony to emphasize how ridiculous and silly today's African American Ebonics sounds and how politically incorrect most of today's language has become. I reacted somewhat on a personal, emotional level to this skit based on my own experiences, but I was not swayed one way or the other based on emotions. This stayed constant throughout her entire performance.
Nikki seemed to be set out, first and foremost, to entertain her audience. She appreciates good humor and uses her talents to shed light on the subject of her text. Based on military humor, ethics and personal experiences, she develops her ideas mainly through narration. While alternating from her two main topics she uses different methods to help explain her message(s). While commenting about sexual content she uses a great analogy about batman comics and the words written in to emphasize actions taking place. As she switches to African American demeanor, she accomplishes a better understanding of the ideas she is talking about by giving examples. With the use of some of our military humor, her character, and her first hand experiences she is able to set up several different scenarios where she takes the audience to a specific segment in time. Once here, she is able to explain, by narrating how each situation occurs, her major point more proficiently. Satisfied that the audience now understands where she is coming from (and her time being up for the night) she can end her skit by going back to the first sexually related topic.
Nikki argues to the people about her argument. I think not only her being a black individual, but being a female helps in relating to the audience and getting them to be comfortable with her views. If she argued as a white individual, none of her points (stories) would have been as effective. So based on this, I think these two components majorly helped in making her argument "funny." The way in which Nikki tells stories is incredibly effective also because one can see the emotion in her eyes and through her gestures. And if one isn't too sure whether what she just said was suppose to be funny, her laugh will confirm any doubts. This "humor" is definitely not intended for the younger ages and those offended easily. But there is a little bit of discourse for everyone within this skit. She relates to white and black individuals, females and males, and then to the kid in everyone while still keeping adult content, adult content. She is by far one of the most outspoken, say it like it is, people I have ever been proud to know. Nikki keeps her audience laughing but at the same time teaches them a little about the differences between our American races.
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